Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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