It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
