She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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