Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Just cropdusted the office
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
