Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
