when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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