grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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