is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
