Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
