don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
