Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
It's just like the Real World with babies
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Randomize
