By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
