I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
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