Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
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