i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
