he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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