Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
