I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
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