We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
