Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
