she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
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