i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
