ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
