I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
