I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
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Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
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I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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