this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
