I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
