I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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