Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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