If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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