Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
