Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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