That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
