Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
