Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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