Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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