Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Randomize
