what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
