I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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