i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
did you just send me my own nude
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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