We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
