I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
