He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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