You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
