Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
