Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
