i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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