May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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