Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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