Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize