Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Randomize
