You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
