He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
