Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
