At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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