are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
