You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Lo siento on account of my penis...
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
