you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
