well I can't set my house on fire every night
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
