dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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