just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
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