Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
