D3 body, D1 cock
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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