nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Randomize
