I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
handjob tips. give me some.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
