Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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