porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
